I love black thongs
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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