guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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