My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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