just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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