Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
