so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
