So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
