Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
