I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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