the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
