Where are you?
In a non slutty way
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
