There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
