How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
