What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
