It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
