If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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