Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
