he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
