I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
