I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
