I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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