absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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