Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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