She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
