So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I AM VODKA MAN
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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