Cold hands, warm shart.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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