I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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