By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
