I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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