what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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