Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
