apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
