how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
