in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize