Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
