life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
