your thong is hanging out like whoa
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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