did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
