He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
