somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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