Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
