i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
it's great music for shaving your balls
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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