Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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