I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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