My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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