I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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