FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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