I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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