Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
