I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
