How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
