hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
