i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize