I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
