You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We got so high we made milksteak
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
