I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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