When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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