where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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