i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
