Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
