I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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