What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
