Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize