He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
