I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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