i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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