It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
