I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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