1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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