So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
