i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
this is an emotional support booty call
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
