what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
