I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
