dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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