he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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