ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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